By
Alex Taylor
BEIRUT:
A real man is strong – he can recognize and express his emotions, and, yes, he
may even cry. By establishing a men’s center to examine masculinity in Lebanese
society and provide men with a place to talk about their stresses and needs,
the Abaad Resource Center for Gender Equality hopes to help men become partners
in addressing issues such as domestic violence and achieving a more equal
society.
Too
often, discussions about domestic abuse or women’s empowerment sideline or even
demonize men, says Anthony Keedi, manager of the center.
“One
reason there has been such resistance from men toward women’s human rights
initiatives is because of a lack of targeting men as a demographic and
understanding the gender roles that have also been dictated upon men as well as
women,” he adds.
Keedi
explains that commonly in the field of gender rights activists “seem to not
address men at all or address men as the aggressors, or as having a negative or
evil intent.”
A
central goal of the men’s center, he says, is to “allow men to begin to see
their own gender roles and how it has worked against them.”
“One
very crucial part of the masculine gender role is about emotional expression or
lack thereof. Men are not expected to seek help. In fact, they are a population
where help-seeking behavior is seen as a weakness ... A man should have the
solutions, a man should fight, a man should be strong and not let these things
affect him. Speaking from a psychological point of view, that’s not
characteristic of human nature – it’s human to be able to mourn or be able to
cry or communicate,” Keedi insists.
In
addition to workshops on stress and anger management, the center, located in
Furn al-Shubbak, offers individual psychological counseling to help men
reconsider the way they address problems in the home or daily stresses. The
service is free, completely private and confidential.
One
common stress cited by those who have already come to the center is financial
pressure, says Keedi. While financial and work problems will be ever-present,
the center’s work is to show ways to cope, rather than taking their frustrations
home with them and further compounding their problems by creating discordance
in their family.
“One
problem can lead to problems at home, which will lead to feeling even more
isolated, even more stressed, even more anxious,” Keedi says, which can, in some
cases, “lead to violence or a psychological state where the man is unhappy and
others around him are unhappy.”
Unfortunately,
the reactions to stress that are considered “understandable masculine
responses” are not very healthy, Keedi highlights.
“It
might not be looked upon well, but it’s understood if they act violently or if
they act out in anger in response to stress ... as opposed to saying we should
sit down and talk about it.”
Through
individual counseling, the center helps beneficiaries look at the ways they
process stress and how it affects them and those around them.
“When
you hurt someone you’re living with, you’re hurting the one who is supposed to
help you through difficulties and is supposed to listen and be your partner in
everything – whether the spouse or the children. So it’s not just affecting
others around him, it’s affecting the man’s own life,” says Dr. Ghassan Assaf,
the center’s psychologist.
Assaf
says that many of the men who have sought counseling at the center begin to
realize that their angry or explosive behavior is actually a weakness rather
than a sign of strength or masculinity. They come to see that “to be strong is
to handle all the family stress, all the life stress or economical stress ...
not to explode all the time. This means they were weaker before.”
Despite
the breakthroughs of some of the center’s clients, reaching out to men in
Lebanon and encouraging them to seek help is not the easiest task, both Assaf
and Keedi acknowledge. While Abaad has offered the counseling service to men
since September of last year, the men’s center only launched fully in June with
a nationwide publicity campaign.
Through
billboards and TV spots showing men experiencing stress in their professions –
whether as a doctor, electrician, taxi driver or vegetable seller – the
campaign allows men to see that stress is common and men from all different
backgrounds can experience problems that they can’t solve alone.
The
response to the campaign has been overwhelming, says Keedi, with over 150 calls
to the men’s center in the last few weeks alone. Other organizations are also
becoming aware of the service and referring people to counseling at the center.
As a result, Abaad is already looking to expand counseling hours and add
another psychologist.
While
not every inquiry to the center ends with that person scheduling or showing up
for their appointment, Keedi believes the response is encouraging and an
important first step.
“Men
have been raised in a certain way their entire lives. Their entire lives
they’ve been told, ‘don’t talk, don’t cry,’ and then all of a sudden they’re
getting another message, which inherently feels true, because it’s a natural,
human need to speak and relieve stress. But it’s not going to be easy ...
because their whole lives they’ve heard the opposite.”
Abaad
is also in the process of conducting a nationwide study on perceptions of
masculinity in Lebanon and will use the results to design more programming in
the coming months.
Ultimately,
Keedi hopes men will realize that they have nothing to lose, but everything to
gain by calling the center and taking the time to invest in their own
well-being, for themselves and the sake of their families.
“What
they can pick up in the center is a greater understanding of themselves and perhaps
ways they can keep stresses in one aspect of their life from negatively
affecting other aspects or their life. Hopefully they will actually be able to
enjoy those other aspects of their life a little more – such as their
interactions at home with their loved ones and their family and friends.”
For more information
contact the Abaad center 24-hour phone line at 71-283-820.
http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/Local-News/2012/Jul-06/179515-making-men-partners-in-the-mission-for-gender-equality.ashx#axzz1zvEUG3qp
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